I can't wait till you get back
Hey, this seems the perfect place to write to you.
I was writing a long long long goodbye letter for you, but there is no email account safe enough. I don't think this is safe either, but at least it's not where people who know you could access, and that is good enough.
I still, and in very silly ways, miss you. Every day.
In a way it's not so bad that you are not here jajajaj. What a contradiction, I know. Well, think about it. When you are here I stress about what to wear. Even though here there is no way I can look pretty with these huge uniform cargo pants, I try to look pretty in other ways, but only for you. I try to make sure my hair looks ok, at least. Today I was reading emails while I used the hair dryer so I walked out with my head all shaggy. I looked like I was wearing one of those wigs you rent for costume parties in my country. Of course if you are not here who cares. It's ok to go out looking like that.
But then I gave it a second thought. I went back to my room and fixed it. You know why? Because you arrive on Friday and I want my hair to be looking nice. So to make it less suspicious I have to start doing that today!! I think us women are crazy with these details. Especially after that day when we were chatting and you told me to put the web cam. And I was more or less in the same condition as this morning, so I was not comfortable with the idea of you seeing me like that and then you said you didn't care if you have seen me in so many ways and since you are attracted to me in certain ways that my hair or what I am wearing is not going to affect that. At least that was the message I got from what you said.
And you know what? You are right. I don't know if you love me or not, but at least you like me. And it's true, when we love/like somebody, nothing matters, we still like them no matter what they look like to the eyes of others. For example you with that ridiculous beard that you let grow ... I didn't care. When you smile the whole world illluminates, whether you have a short beard or a long beard.
What's more, this camp is full of men who probably wouldn't notice me even if I had a plant growing on my head!!! So I will stop stressing about what I look like because in a way you have convinced me that I will always be pretty for you. At least while we are here :) Just like you will always look handsome to me, no matter what.
It feels very good that you taught me that.
The day you get back I will only have 29 days left. I wish we could be together all those nights!! Even if only for a little while each time, but all of them. Of course that is a fantasy. You would never agree to it but I think it would be awesome if we get naughtier and every opportunity we get we use it.
Our friend K is acting weird. He stopped talking to me and he is acting all stuck up. To tell you the truth I feel relieved, because that means he doesn't try anything, so I just let him be that way. I am curious what caused that behavior, but I won't do anything to change it. In a way maybe it's because I hang with L and I have lunch and dinner with him every day.
Talking about L, I will miss him too. One day he promised that as long as he is here I will not be alone at the chow hall. And he has been true to his promise. The problem is he is going on break at the end of this month. Then I will be all alone again. I wish you and I could eat together without caring what people think. I guess you are afraid I look at you in ways that make things too obvious. I wish I could promise I won't, but I can't!! Because you start looking at me in ways that provoke me and make me blush. You start it and then you don't know what to do about it. HMMM!! But I can live with that. What I don't like is when we sit side by side and you totally ignore me. When I think of those times I prefer to sit very far from you :(
The fact is you have marked my life in more ways than you can imagine. Positive ways, all of them. Maybe in your life I have just been the fling I was supposed to be from the beginning, and I am sorry if I did not teach you anything, if I did not give you anything to keep planted in your memory, but I am very happy I met you. I feel very fortunate in spite of the circumstances. There is a reason why I could only borrow you for a bit, and it was good for me, so I am ready to pay the price for it.
till next time..yours.
